The Closest I’ve Ever Been

This mid-life lost feeling is a lot of fun. It’s stressful, but it is fun. I am slowly unraveling the way I’ve been thinking about my career and daring to consider a string of new possibilities, but before I go off and quit my job, I’m taking some time to search for some catharsis. I’m liking the blogging thing, even though I am the only one who seems to be reading it, but I’ve also been thinking about what a mid-life crisis is and how different people deal with it.

I know a few people who have completely rearranged their whole lives. I’ve heard their friends and family talk about them like they are crazy just because they are taking a few risks and daring to find some happiness. But what is so darn wrong about that? Why should people in search of a change be talked about in hushed whispers? I am feeling more free and less stressed out since I’ve been considering new possibilities. I’m actually feeling a bit of resolve; and if I’m going to be completely honest, that hasn’t happened in a long while.

A few weeks ago, I got to thinking about the things I’ve never done. For example, I have driven through St. Louis four times, and I have not stopped to see the arch. I begged the woman sitting next to me in the car to take a picture of the arch, but I did not bother to get off the highway and check it out. The closest to the arch I’ve ever been is chronicled in the photograph above by my friend Kim. That stupid picture in my phone is taunting me! It’s reminding me that I have not done some of the simplest things, let alone some of the things that I’ve wanted to do for so long (like writing).

Now, I’m probably not suffering from an actual mid-life crisis, but if and when I do, I am going to try very hard to look at it like it is a new start. If I only have this ONE life to live, I want to know that I enjoyed it and dared to put myself out there. I am going to try to ignore that failure is more probable than success and that the American Dream is really built on a house of sand. I’m going to ignore all that because I don’t want to think about the fact that the closest I’ve ever been to trying something out of the ordinary is a photograph.